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School Choice Dilema: Outrage around Homeless Mom Charged for Sending Son to Better School

A very interesting story.  I would love to hear opinions on both sides of the case.  Comment below!

By Liz Goodwin

Education activists are rallying around a homeless woman who may face jail time for enrolling her son in kindergarten under a friend’s address. Supporters say the woman’s story is yet another dismaying example of inequality in the U.S. education system.

Tanya McDowell, a homeless single mother from Bridgeport, is charged with first-degree larceny and conspiracy to commit first-degree larceny for signing up her 5-year-old son to attend nearby Norwalk schools under the address of a friend. (Her son went to the school for four months. Her friend has been evicted from public housing for letting McDowell use her address.) McDowell may face up to 20 years in prison and a $15,000 fine if convicted.

Gwen Samuel, a Connecticut education activist, is organizing a press conference to try to get the charges dropped and raise awareness about parents who are criminally prosecuted, rather than dealt with individually by the school district, for using false addresses.

She says she expects a few hundred people to show up at Norwalk superior court at 9 a.m. Wednesday, including Kelley Williams-Bolar (pictured), the Akron, Ohio-based mom who made national news in January, when she was jailed for using her father’s address to send her kids to a better-performing school. Bolar’s story ignited a debate about inequalities in the public education system, where poorer parents must send their kids to poorer schools because much of the funding is on the local level.

“This will continue to happen–this will set a precedent and districts will be like, ‘OK I found a new way to get my money back, let’s go after them,'” Samuel tells The Lookout.

Boyce Watkins, a Syracuse university professor and activist, tells The Lookout that Williams-Bolar heard about McDowell’s case and wanted to support her. “Kelley called me and said, ‘I can’t believe they’re doing this to her, how can I help?'” She’s now on her way to Connecticut, and her trip is paid for by Samuel’s newly founded non-profit Connecticut Parents Union.

“First it happens to Kelley, then it happens to Tanya–they both happen to be poor black mothers trying to find a way to provide a better life for their children,” Watkins said.

Samuel says McDowell “absolutely” sent her son to the Norwalk kindergarten because she knew it was better than the schools in nearby Bridgeport. “If you could see … where he is now compared to Brookside, you’d see why I chose Norwalk,” McDowell told the Daily Norwalk of her son’s new school, Thomas Hooker Elementary School in Bridgeport.

“There has to be a penalty for stealing our services,” school board president Jack Chiaramonte countered in The Daily Norwalk.

McDowell, who used to work in food services, told the Stamford Advocate she occasionally stayed in a Norwalk homeless shelter–but she didn’t register there, which would have made her son eligible to attend the school. “I had no idea whatsoever that if you enroll your child in another school district, it becomes a crime,” the 33-year-old told the paper.

Parents are rarely criminally prosecuted for using false addresses.

(Williams-Bolar: AP)

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Quick Tip for Parents- Tell Them What You Want!

This past Easter weekend my family had the pleasure of spending time w/my parents, my brothers, their wives and our 7 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 6-14.  In total, we had 9 rug rats tearing through my brother’s house like banshees.  Needless to say, no matter how well we all get along, chaotic times were still part of the Easter festivities.

As a first grade teacher of 37 students, I learned a wonderful management strategy that became the cornerstone of my discipline plan; telling children exactly what I want and expect from them.  Simple, I know.  But in the midst of tears, panic or loud noises, it is often difficult to parent with logic.  And, if you are dealing with children who may be used to different parenting philosophies, I say, “The simpler, the better.”

Example- instead of yelling, “No!”, “Don’t!” or other idle threats such as, “Touch your cousin again and I’m going to ground you for eternity!”, go for the positive.  “Please drink your chocolate milk with two hands and at the table.”, “Please walk around the pool deck to avoid smacking your head on the brick.”, or “What I’d like you to do is bring your bathing suit and towel into the laundry room.”  Better yet, demonstrate the desired behavior and even practice with young children.  Instruction, modeling and practice are the key to success.

By giving children specific examples of what we want them to do and then asking them to repeat back the directions to check for comprehension will help avoid many of the pitfalls associated with parenting amidst chaos.  And yes, having a 14 year old repeat directions may seem a bit elementary, but it works.  It causes the child to stop, listen and respond, all things that can be difficult for a teen or pre-teen.  The bonus is that younger children often look up to older siblings and cousins.  When you can get them to work together by giving them something positive and constructive to do, everyone wins.

Will it work every time?  No.  Will every chaotic parenting situation simply melt away or fail to exist.  No.  I can say, however, that telling children of all ages what you want from them instead of only pointing out what you don’t want them to do or what they may be doing wrong, garners more buy-in from the kids and more positive behavior overall.  This, in turn, will lead to more time for you to enjoy a drink and some adult conversation.  All without becoming red faced and sweaty.  Happy directing!

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Raising Boys- A dad’s parenting advice for moms

Excellent article for moms from a dad’s perspective.  Many times, and moms, I’m talking to you, we either totally overrule anything our husbands try to do that is different from our approach or we completely dismiss (with an eye roll) comments, suggestions, etc. from our spouses.  We need to stop, and we need to to not only recognize, but celebrate that dads do it differently and that our children can learn many valuable lessons about life from their fathers.

Thomas Matlack  |  January 21, 2011 (taken from babble.com)

Let’s get one thing clear from the get go: moms are generally better parents than dads. And that goes double for me. I’ve had three kids across two marriages and I am undoubtedly the weak link. My 16-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son trust their step-mom more than they trust me, which proves that I married well but am still getting the hang of being a dad. Most of us are.

That said, there are a few subtle nuances that I have picked up along the way as a dad that might come in handy for moms raising boys.

Ladies, here are some things to think about with your boys:

  • Think caveman. Adult women have thousands of emotional states, as do girls like my daughter. Boys, on the other hand, tend to feel one of three: mad, sad, happy. Don’t project your complex emotional life on your son. His issue of the moment might not be that complicated. He wants to eat, poop, or run. On a really bad day he wants his toy back after some other kid took it from him. He doesn’t want to stare out the window and have lengthy discussions about the meaning of life, as my eight-year-old daughter often did.
  • Watch his body not his mouth. Again, like adult men, the clues to how your son is doing will show up first in his body language. Jumping up and down with six-inch vertical leaps is the natural state of being and is good. Slumped shoulders are bad. Yelling is good. Quiet needs attention.
  • When in doubt, hug. Boys will often have a much harder time than girls verbalizing their problems. My 5-year-old son will sometimes burst out into tears after seemingly trivial events. I know there is something deeper going on, but I am not going to get it out of him, at least not at that moment (whereas my daughter would not only tell me what went wrong but in no uncertain terms why it was my fault, which was generally true enough). So the solution is physical not verbal. I spend a lot of time just hugging my boys. I usually have no idea why. But as a default cure-all, it seems to work wonders. A minute later they are all patched up and ready to rumble again. This even works pretty well with my 14-year-old, who is a 6-foot-tall linebacker at Boston College High School.
  • Yes, it really is all about poop. Girls potty train 6 to 9 months before boys, but once boys make it onto the throne, there is no stopping them. Moving their bowels is pretty much the highlight of their day (true confession: it still is for me, too), and they are going to want to talk about it. Bathroom time is a participatory sport. My five-year-old likes to head to the bathroom just as the family is sitting down to dinner, sometimes during dinner. It’s the first time he has been still long enough to realize he has to go. And he wants me to come with him, not just to assist in the wipe but to have a leisurely conversation about the status of his poop. As much as I found this inconvenient at first, now I just go with it. Quality time is quality time.
  • Batman lives forever. Boys, even at a young age, realize the importance of super powers. They want to be good and believe in the existence of ultimate good in the world. Boys sort out their identities in relation to the mythical characters they hear about. My son is obsessed with Batman. He wears a full costume, even through the airport and down Madison Avenue. What amazes me even more than his dedication to the superhero is how the guard at LaGuardia or the guy hanging off the back of a garbage truck sees him and shouts, “Batman!” My boy nods his head just slightly, acknowledging his public before moving onto the important work at hand, like going to kindergarten.
  • Pointless physical activity is perfect. My brother and I once convinced his two sons and my older boy, when they were all around the age of 10, that they really needed to build a structure out of rocks. The rocks were on one side of a beach, but the perfect spot where the structure had to be built, according to our sage advice, was on the other side of the beach. Each stone weighed between ten and thirty pounds. The boys started moving the boulders one by one, working together to lift the heaviest ones. My brother and I set up our beach chairs midway from the rock pile to building site. We read the paper most of the morning while the boys tired themselves out moving rocks and then assembling a tremendous cathedral. By lunch they were tired and happy, and my brother and I had enjoyed a peaceful morning.
  • Winning does matter, but less than you think. Boys — perhaps even more than girls — put themselves under extreme pressure to perform in school, in sports, and in social situations. They talk about it less, so the sting of failure can run even more deeply than with girls. With boys it’s important to emphasize the lessons to be gained from failure, instead of trying to win at all costs, and to emphasize the development of the whole boy. Too often in our culture, boys are pushed to become one-dimensional robots. Goodness isn’t about winning at youth soccer or having the most friends or being the smartest kid in class; it’s also about being kind. That’s something as a mom that you can particularly help your son understand.
  • Clothes matter. I know there are way more options for dressing little girls than little boys, so the tendency might be to just throw jeans and a t-shirt on your son and forget about it. But you better make sure they are the right jeans and the right t-shirt. The only consistent battle I have had with my sons is over what they wear. It matters way more to them than I ever would have imagined. They want to look cool; they want to be comfortable (pants that are tight but not too tight, warm and yet breathable). I do draw the line with clothes that have already been worn two days in a row, but I don’t discount the importance of fashion to my kindergartener.
  • Crowds, not so much. I have noticed that my daughter lights up when she enters a crowd, whether family or strangers. Mass humanity is something that gives her energy. With my boys, and, frankly, for me too, it’s the opposite. They get shy and tend to hide behind my legs. I try to protect them from these situations and not push them beyond their limitations.
  • Bedtime is sacred. Because boys are so active, it’s hard to get them to sit still. The best time of day is the ten minutes before they go to sleep. Crawl into bed with them, read books, and hold them while they fall off to sleep. If you don’t believe in God, you will once you have lain next to your overactive son while his body goes limp next to you, and he ever so faintly begins to snore.

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Banning Chocolate Milk Shouldn’t Be a Priority…Well, Duh!!!

Ugh- just another attempt by government to regulate something else.  It’s maddening!  Is chocolate milk in schools really the largest issue there is to take on today?

Taken from EducationNews.org- April 21, 2011 9:31 am

While limiting a child’s sugar intake is a good idea, Singer says, there are other troubling items in cafeterias that we should focus on first.

In an article for the Wall Street Journal, Jen Singer recounts how her recent experience of having a school lunch with her kids at a Kinnelon, N.J. “Lunch with Your Second Grader” event made her realize that schools are too hasty in banning chocolate milk from their lunchrooms. Singer points out that there are more unhealthy and fatty foods that schools should be worried about before rushing to remove what could be the only source of milk for many young kids.

After Jamie Oliver was banned from a Los Angeles school while attempting to redo its menu, he asked parents to bring him some samples of the stuff served in the cafeteria. Parents gave him french fries, pizza, donuts and fruit in corn syrup. According to Singer, many schools around the nation serve similar cuisine: food that’s full of sugar, salt and fat. And although chocolate milk, which is a staple in many lunchrooms, is also full of sugar — Singer agrees that attempting to lower kids’ intake is a good idea — it’s also an excellent source of calcium and vitamin D. She calls flavored milk “a spoonful of sugar – or four – that made the medicine go down,” and says that when her picky-eater son was in elementary school, it was one of the only ways she could get those nutrients into his diet.

That’s why she calls the chocolate milk ban instituted in the Fairfax, Virginia school system “disturbing” and “the wrong solution.” Research published by the Washington Post found that banning flavored milk in schools reduced the overall consumption of milk by 37%. Jamie  Oliver thinks getting rid of it is a good idea, but Singer disagrees:

Unfortunately, even TV’s Mr. Oliver wants to rid our schools of chocolate milk. What he and all the rest seem not to realize is that targeting chocolate milk while there are still “Honey Buns”—some sort of iced lard item that I witnessed at Lunch with Your Second Grader—is like running around blowing out candles while your house is on fire. You might say we have bigger fish to fry first.

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Tea Party Rally Speech about Education has National Implications

I enjoyed this speech (taken from EducationNews.org) and believe the author is on the right track in calling out the push for federal control over all aspects of education.  The American education system is suffering, failing even, and our government is pushing for more nationalized control.  The federal government has done very little to improve education and has taken the power and control away from local authorities and citizens to make decisions on the behalf of their children.  Something to think about…long and hard.

You know that our students are struggling. What you might not know is WHY. Our children are not being taught what they need to know in mathematics, grammar, civics, or other critical subjects.

Thank you for that wonderful introduction. Good afternoon, everyone. It’s a fine day to fight for liberty.

I’m here today because I’m scared – for our children and our country. There’s a thief at the door. His friends are at the window. They have the exits covered, and they’re about to cut the phone line. These thieves aren’t after the car or the jewelry. They’re after something much more precious: Our children’s education. And we, the people – are literally the last line of defense. Welcome to public education.

Public education is in dire straits. So much so that it threatens our great country.

You know that our students are struggling. What you might not know is WHY. Our children are not being taught what they need to know in mathematics, grammar, civics, or other critical subjects. They aren’t being prepared to follow their dreams, or to take over the reins of this country. Our children, this community, our country are in jeopardy.

I respect and admire the teachers and staff who do their best to battle the bureaucracy. But it’s the thieves in education who have the connections, the money, and the decision-making power. They have many friends – in the district, in Olympia, and in Washington, DC. It’s their own desires that drive them – not our children’s best interests.

Do it for the kids, they say, every time a bond or levy comes up for renewal. For the kids, they say, as they refuse to allow teachers to teach sufficient arithmetic or grammar. This isn’t just a local problem. It’s national. And it isn’t just a difference of opinion. Their agenda is deliberate and purposeful.

You know Spokane has a dropout problem. You’ve read that the graduation rate suddenly improved. What you might not know is that our high school graduates don’t need to pass a state math test or state science test to graduate. They don’t need to know much grammar or ANY civics. Many high school students get As in Honors Math, and then test into arithmetic in college. Of those who take those college remedial math classes, almost half will fail or withdraw early.

Our kids simply don’t have the skills they need to go to college, begin a trade, start a business, get a fulfilling job, join the Armed Forces, or even fill out a job application.

District administrators say they need more time. Our kids don’t have more time. Spokane’s pass rate on last year’s 10th-grade math test was just 38.9%. Students needed just 56.9% to pass. 61% of our 10th graders couldn’t pass a basic-skills math test on which the passing score was less than 57%. District employees called that student data — “irrelevant.” Get angry, folks! I’m angry.

What will happen to our children? How will this country continue to absorb an entire generation of people who don’t have basic academic skills? Our children are being left behind. America is being left behind. This is not a game. There are real and long-term consequences for all of us.

Meanwhile, the U.S. secretary of education – Arne Duncan – is moving in, taking over all of public education, as he says, “from cradle through career.” He talks about the importance of local control, even as he works diligently to replace it with federal control. He wants to shove a federal agenda down your throat: national standards, national tests, and a national curriculum. Have you ever tried to deal with the district on behalf of your child? Wait until you have to deal with the U.S. Department of Education. And if you think the WASL was bad, wait until the feds are running the tests.

Sec. Duncan also wants a federal role in alternatives to public education, including homeschooling, private schools, and faith-based schools.

Forget that pesky 10th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, which makes education a state responsibility. Forget the U.S. Code, which prohibits the Department of Education from directing policy or curriculum (20 USC 3403). Sec. Duncan and his allies are pressing forward, whether we like it or not. Proper process and the law don’t seem to matter anymore. States’ rights, the people’s vote – just get in the way.

This federal education agenda will cost us billions of dollars. It won’t make our children internationally competitive, but it will remove our voice. Once our voice is gone, it will be hell getting it back.

Ironically, we taxpayers are forced to pay these thieves to break into our house, steal our voice, our vote, and our children’s future.

We still have to pay district administrators – as they fail to educate our children, as they ignore us, as they wait for the feds to tell them what to do, as they cut teachers and programs, while giving themselves raises. Last year, some of the Spokane levy – which was supposed to fund enrichment programs – helped pay for administrative raises. I tried to find out how much of the levy went for those raises. No one could tell me. Apparently, they “don’t break it down that way.” Can you believe that?

A year ago, in January 2010, the Department of Education estimated that $664 billion would be spent in 2010 on K-12 education, from all sources (federal, state, local and other). $664 billion. That was $28 billion more than the entire Department of Defense spent the year prior. $636 billion for the DoD. $664 billion for K-12 education. And look what we got for it. Our kids are failing, dropping out, not prepared for college.

Public education doesn’t need more money. It needs to spend the money it gets better. We desperately need financial transparency and accountability for administrators.

Where did our money go? The Department of Education was criticized this year for being wasteful and redundant. In some states, taxpayers paid for things like iPads – for kindergartners. Washington State Gov. Gregoire “diverted” $208 million that was supposed to fund education jobs. She just took it for the General Fund. In Spokane, many administrators get more than $100,000 each in base salary. The Spokane superintendent gets about $220,000. Where is their accountability for student outcomes?

Folks, where does the buck stop in public education? Shouldn’t district decision-makers be held accountable for the results of their policies? How will we hold them accountable when the boss is the federal government?

These are our children. This is our money. Federal, state, local – it’s all our money, and it’s being wasted on failed approaches and self-serving bureaucrats. But I believe in we, the people. I believe in your children, and I believe in this great Republic. We must all rise up and take back the classroom and our country from the people who are stealing them. You are not helpless. There are things you can do to save your children and grandchildren.

Join me on my blog, “Betrayed.” Read my book “Betrayed” and other books like it. Join us at our next organizational meeting. Run for the school board. Get your legislators talking about education. Come talk with me. Together, we the people can turn around public education, send these thieves packing, and get our children and our country back on track.

In Liberty. And for our children. Thank you.

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Putting Politics Above Education. Why Am I NOT Surprised?

Someone needs to explain how it is that this program was cut in the first place.  I listened to a portion of the hearing where Dr. Wolf testified to the success of the program.  I also read additional research/information and listened to an interview w/him.  I just don’t get how our politicians (on both sides of the aisle- I just happen to agree w/the Republicans on this one) can continue to mess w/our children’s future in such a counterproductive and harmful way.  It’s shameful.  It really is.  I am glad this program was reinstated and will continue in the DC area.  It serves a minority population of over 99% that are all living below or around the national poverty level.  Without this program and this opportunity, these students would be left to languish in substandard public schools like so many others.  Get it together Washington.  Get it together!

Article pulled from Educationnews.org on 4/12/11.

Univ. of Arkansas research Patrick Wolf’s study and John Boehner’s political savvy resulted in the renewal of the DC voucher program, writes Paul Peterson.

In an EducationNext article, Paul E. Peterson applauds U.S. Representative John A. Boehner (R-OH) for his efforts to restore the District of Columbia’s school voucher program. A provision included in the recent budget compromise bill will once again allow D.C parents to obtain vouchers and apply them towards tuition at a school of their choice. Two years ago, Congress passed a law that killed the program.

Peterson says that Boehner can credit his success to a study conducted by University of Arkansas Professor Patrick Wolf at the time when the abolition of the program was initially debated. Since the number of students who applied to receive vouchers exceeded the number of vouchers available, they had to be allocated by means of a lottery. The study compared educational outcomes of kids who won the lottery to those of kids who did not, and found that college enrollment among the former group was significantly higher than among the latter group.

“Just before this study was released, Obama signed into law a bill killing the program. Although government officials knew the study’s results at the time the president affixed his signature, the results were released to the public by the U.S. Department of Education only after the program had been killed.”

Outlining the speaker’s tactics, he compliments Boehner on exploiting the Obama Administration’s seeming unwillingness to turn vouchers into a wedge issue, to bring one of his longtime causes back to life, adding that Professor Wolf should feel proud for having contributed to this outcome.

“[P]olicy researchers can be pleased that their work can, if circumstances are correct, provide a Speaker with the instrument needed to recall even politically contested programs, like school vouchers, to life.”

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School bans homemade lunches, the latest in national food fight

And my question to my readers is…..”Great idea or another attempt by government to overstep its authority and infringe upon our freedom?  I would love to hear your comments.

 

By Liz Goodwin

Students who attend Chicago’s Little Village Academy public school get nothing but nutritional tough love during their lunch period each day. The students can either eat the cafeteria food–or go hungry. Only students with allergies are allowed to bring a homemade lunch to school, the Chicago Tribune reports.

“Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school,” principal Elsa Carmona told the paper of the years-old policy. “It’s about … the excellent quality food that they are able to serve (in the lunchroom). It’s milk versus a Coke.”

But students said they would rather bring their own lunch to school in the time-honored tradition of the brown paper bag. “They’re afraid that we’ll all bring in greasy food instead of healthy food and it won’t be as good as what they give us at school,” student Yesenia Gutierrez told the paper. “It’s really lame.”

The story has attracted hundreds of comments so far. One commenter, who says her children attend a different Chicago public school, writes, “I can accept if they want to ban soda, but to tell me I can’t send a lunch with my child. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????”

For parents whose kids do not qualify for free or reduced price school lunches, the $2.25 daily cafeteria price can also tally more than a homemade lunch. “We don’t spend anywhere close to that on my son’s daily intake of a sandwich (lovingly cut into the shape of a Star Wars ship), Goldfish crackers and milk,” Northwestern education policy professor Diane Whitmore Schanzenbach told the paper in an email. She told The Lookout parents at her child’s public school would be upset if they tried to ban homemade lunches.

“I think that lots of parents at least at my child’s school do think that what they pack is more nutritious [than school lunches],” she said.  A Chicago public school teacher started a blog to protest the city’s school lunches, and last year the schools tightened their nutrition standards for cafeteria-served school lunches. Every lunch must contain whole grains, only reduced-fat salad dressings and mayonnaise are offered as condiments, and the meals must feature a different vegetable each day. Meal providers also must reduce sodium content by 5 percent annually. About 86 percent of the district’s students qualify for free or reduced price school lunches because their families live close to the poverty line.

Change in Chicago’s school cafeterias feeds into a larger effort to combat the country’s childhood obesity epidemic. About a third of America’s kids are overweight or obese, and since children consume at least 30 percent of their calories while in school, making lunches healthier is seen as one way to counter that problem. Poorer kids are also more likely to be obese or overweight than middle class kids, and to consume a bigger proportion of their calories while at school. Forty-four percent of American kids living below the poverty line are obese or overweight, according to a 2010 study published in Health Affairs.

While we haven’t been able to track down another school that bans homemade lunches outright, many smaller food battles have been playing out in cafeterias across the country. As principals try to counter obesity in their schools, healthy intentions can come across as overreach, occasionally sparking parent and student anger.

Alabama parents protested a school’s rule that barred students from bringing any drinks from home, as ice water was provided at lunch. East Syracuse, New York schools have outlawed cupcakes and other desserts. And schools around the country have kicked out chocolate milk and soda vending machines. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin even showed up in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, with dozens of cookies to express her disdain for a debate in the state about recommending teachers limit the number of times per month the sugary treats are eaten in classroom birthday celebrations.

Tucson, Arizona’s Children’s Success Academy allows home-packed lunches–but only if nothing in them contains white flour, refined sugar, or other “processed” foods, the Arizona Republic reported in a story last year. The school has no cafeteria, so some parents told the paper they struggled to find foods to pack that meet the restrictions. Many schools ban fast food or other take-out meals.

Soon, cafeteria offerings across the country will all be healthier, whether students like it or not. Last year’s Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, championed by First Lady Michelle Obama, calls for higher nutritional standards to serve the 32 million kids who eat lunch every day at school (most of whom qualify for free or reduced price lunches through a federal government program). For the first time, the USDA will set calorie limits for school lunches, and will recommend they contain more vegetables and whole grains, and less salt, USA Today reports. French fries should be replaced by vegetables and fruit, the guidelines say.

The bill also calls for stricter food safety checks on cafeteria food.

(A student’s lunch in Gleed, Washington: AP)

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How birth order affects your love life

I am a partial believer in the birth order theory…which means I think some traits and characteristics are true while others are off  the mark.  This article, however, is interesting and entertaining.  To be taken w/a bit of a grain of salt…

By Lisa Lombardi- originally posted on Yahoo

Want some fresh insight into your love personality? Forget about whether you’re a Leo, Pisces or Aquarius; instead, consider whether you’re a first-born, middle child, or baby of the family. If you want to understand how you operate in every kind of relationship, “understanding birth order is a lifesaver,” stresses psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of The Birth Order Book. Read on for more insight into your love life:

If you’re an oldest child…
It’s no coincidence that most U.S. Presidents were first-borns, because this is the sign of natural leaders. You’re a take-charge person, so not the type to drive friends and romantic partners crazy asking questions like, “I dunno where we should eat; where do you want to go?” Instead, you’ll make sure you have reservations — and land a prime table, too. And anyone lucky enough to pair up with you won’t spend weeknights wondering whether he or she has Saturday night plans, because “oldest kids are planners,” says Dr. Leman. You’re also old-fashioned (in a good way). You always come through on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.
Your love challenge: Being more spontaneous. First-borns aren’t the “seize the day” sort (you’re not one to text your sweetie to suggest meeting at this fun café you just walked past). Likewise, “you hate surprises,” Dr. Leman warns. Pity the fool who springs meeting the parents on you or when you thought it was just the two of you going out tonight!
Best match: The youngest child. “It’s a case of opposites attracting,” says Dr. Leman. “You help the last-born be more organized, and the last-born helps you lighten up.”

If you’re a middle child…
Contrary to their reputation as insecure messes (example: Jan Brady), middle kids actually make stable and loyal partners. “One thing you’re not is spoiled,” Dr. Leman says. You probably grew up feeling like you got less attention than your siblings, and that drives you to work for every perk — including a happy relationship. Also in the “positives” category: You’re “a compromiser and negotiator,” Dr. Leman notes, so you’ll give your partner plenty of say in everything from how quickly your relationship progresses to where you go on vacation together. And your romance should be free of daily petty squabbles (middles hate conflict); instead, you try to put others at ease.
Your love challenge: Opening up. Have you ever been told you’re hard to read? “Middle children can be very secretive,” says Dr. Leman. “They got hammered by the first-born and swindled by the baby, so they keep their cards close to their chests.” You’re also not the best communicator when you’re upset. But if you learn to speak up instead of holding your anger in, you’ll have a more harmonious relationship.
Best match: Youngest child. “Middles aren’t as threatened by last-borns as they are by exacting first-borns,” says Dr. Leman, so the odds are good for open communication.

If you’re a youngest child…
You’re all about fun. The most outgoing of all in the birth order spectrum, youngest children live to have a good time (it may be because your parents were more laid-back by the time you came along). On a typical first date you’ll have your date laughing so hard that water shoots out his or her nose. In fact, “most famous comedians are youngest children,” says Dr. Leman. A partial list of famous examples: Jon Stewart, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy. And forget ho-hum plans like dinner and a movie; you love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment. You’re the type to take someone to a party only to whisper, “Let’s get out of here” two minutes later… and then convince your date to take a road trip to Atlantic City or Vegas for the weekend.
Your love challenge: “Babies are the least financially dependable,” warns Dr. Leman (it comes from being, well, taken care of all your life). That means your date may be stuck picking up the tab when your credit card is maxed out. Also, some youngest children — not you, of course! — use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit, ahem, manipulative, says Dr. Leman. That breed of baby will leave a date and sneak off to hit golf balls with pals or something similar, leaving the other person wondering what happened.
Best match: Either the oldest child (they serve as a good counterbalance in a parent-child sort of way) or middle child (they value friendships, so they totally understand why you love being the life of the party).

If you’re an only child…
You’re a rock-solid citizen — and a sweetie. “Only children are super-reliable,” Dr. Leman says. “They’re like oldest children taken to the extreme.” Growing up with only adults made you into a little grown-up early on — meaning you’re serious and dependable. You’re the rare person who will stay up half the night helping a friend or partner prep for a licensing exam or a big work presentation. You’re the type to move your partner’s car so he or she doesn’t get a ticket. Punctual and true to your word, onlies like you never leave a loved one waiting for a call or email. And you’re articulate, too, so your date can expect great conversations that really make a person think.
Your love challenge: Admit it — you’re a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe you send back steaks that aren’t cooked just so or point out a teeny-tiny stain on your date’s sweater. Also, you’re so cautious and pragmatic that you can be very slow to act (i.e., someone else has to make the first move).
Best match: Youngest child, because you balance each other out. The baby of the family adds spontaneity and romance, while you make sure you two aren’t dining by candlelight because the electric bill never got paid.

Lisa Lombardi has written for Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Shape and other publications. A classic middle child, she is happy to have picked a fun-loving last-born mate.

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